The Sociopath Next Door

May 23, 2013 by Rachel | Leave a comment

Title: The Sociopath Next Door
Author: Dr. Martha Stout, Ph.D.
Rating: 4 stars

My Review

I said I might review a non-fiction tome next and so I have.

The Sociopath Next Door was recommended to me by several folks I know and I grew intrigued as they told me a little about it, partially because I believe myself to be unusually aware of sociopaths as a group (or a mental illness, if you prefer) and I was interested in what a true expert would have to say about them. Generally speaking, I was very impressed and mostly pretty entertained.

Let me say before I begin that Dr. Stout is a very highly credentialed and respected psychologist working and instructing at the Department of Psychiatry at the Harvard Medical School. The lady knows her stuff…

What I Liked

This is the true story of a psychologist who has become personally frustrated at the damage done to others by one specific group of mentally I’ll people: sociopaths.

To begin, let’s clear up what a sociopath is by definition. Lots of people get mental illnesses all mixed up due to popular portrayals or mislabeling by the ill-informed. For example, people use the term “schizophrenic” when they actually mean “multiple personality disorder”. (Not similar at all!) The same is often true of sociopathy. They assume it is the same as psychotic, and refers to those individuals so evil that they don’t understand right and wrong and are the most extreme of killers…also not true.

What the author points out are a few very important things:

  1. Sociopathy falls under personality disorders and it boils down to one distinct characteristic – the person has no conscience. He/She know right from wrong but feels no sense of remorse whatsoever from doing harm to others, and in fact, may derive his/her only real pleasure from harming others; and
  2. Sociopaths are much more common than people think.

She goes on, using real-life examples (confidential, of course) from her practice that will chill you right to the bone. No, not all sociopaths are serial killers, but ALL do harm, few are caught, and most are basically incurable.

You can tell as she goes on that this is a manifesto of sorts for her, a “What do we do about this problem?” kind of battle cry. She even addresses the issue of what causes sociopathy, exploring genetic and evolutionary factors, cultural factors, and environmental factors in her attempt to find purchase on the slippery slope for a “cure” to a condition that is harmful and intractable at once.

And having concluded that, for now at least, we don’t have an easy cure, she resigned herself to giving us non-sociopaths the best “warning signs” she can for how to detect and avoid being harmed by a sociopath.

So what do I think? The book is very good. I’ve read a lot of these science crossover books that attempt to teach non-science buffs about scientific topics, but in an entertaining enough fashion to keep the audience interested. I think she mostly does this well without sensationalizing her topic. To the contrary, rather than focusing on the well-known serial killers, she’s focused on the more subtle, camouflaged sociopath that may be damaging you right at this very minute, hence the title.

The other reason this book is good is because it is TRUE and we do need to be warned. I have known several sociopaths in my life and got so mixed up by them at times that though I knew something was wrong in my gut, I started to think I was crazy! (This is known as Gaslighting after the old movie.)

These individuals are dangerous because they are master manipulators and they DO NOT HAVE A CONSCIENCE. It’s true and it’s chilling. No matter what they say, how they act, or what you’d like to believe, a sociopath does NOT care about you or anyone else, even if he/she is a family member or close friend. It hurts when you realize it, but the best thing you can do is stay the heck away from them!

If you don’t believe me then you MUST read this book so you can learn for yourself. If you do believe me then you’ve probably recognized a sociopath in your life along the way whether you knew how to label him/her or not.

If you are compassionate, you will feel for this person without the capacity to love and connect with others. But if you are smart you will stay the heck away (repeated for emphasis) because they can’t be cured, they won’t change, and you don’t want to be one of their victims.

I recommend this book highly because of her “warning signs” list and details that will teach you how to spot these individuals. She nails the most important one, the Pity Play” dead freaking CENTER! Because I’ve known several of these people, I learned to spot and combat the Pity Play, but man is it hard to ignore.

If you would like a sensational version of the sociopath and the Pity Play, take Jody Arias. Now, in choosing her for this example I AM PLAYING ARMCHAIR psychologist. Perhaps a real doc would say I was wrong, but based on what I’ve seen, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck…well, you know. I am going out on a limb identifying her as a sociopath, but it just seemed to clear an example to ignore.

Jody Arias is all about the Pity Play. She could have pled temporary insanity but instead she chose to say that her victim had been mistreating her and deserved to be stabbed a bunch of times and shot in the face while in the shower.

And now that she’s been convicted, she’s done media interviews saying she feels betrayed by the jury, even pulling out her “Survivor” t-shirt in defiance of all seemingly normal behavior. She wants us to pity her. What!?!?!

In this case the Pity Play seems eye-poppingly bizarre, but she’s no doubt been doing this to get out of trouble her whole life. Note the way her own parents don’t really defend her. That’s because they know…shhhhhh…they know something is wrong with Jody.

And that is the shame of it. That some of us are so scared, so greedy (that’s how con men get you, many of whom are sociopaths), or so gullible that we are not only taken in, but if we figure it out we keep it secret, allowing the individual to move on to harm others. This book will discourage that as well. Only by standing up to the behavior of these individuals early can we hope to mitigate their swath of destruction.

What Was Just Ok
The only drawback to the book? She repeats herself rather dramatically at times, particularly about the fact that sociopaths have no conscience. i think this is because she’s afraid you won’t believe her enough unless she does, that you won’t take precautions…but if you believe her or already know she’s right, it will seem like overmuch on the convincing side. Also the science may get dry at times, particularly in the end when she drags a bit through evolutionary theory and the purpose of having a conscience. I love this kind of thing personally due to my Eco/Evo past, but it feels like her personal, more academic musings and may not be for everyone.

You could get what you needed from this book by reading the beginning in detaIl, the example stories in detail, and the warning signs in detail. The rest is the science if you want to contemplate larger implications…

Summary
If you don’t know what a sociopath is or how to spot one, get this book! If you wanna be creeped out by real life creepiness, get this book. If you already know about sociopaths but want the science or the “warning signs” list, get this book. It’s a fast, crazy read, if I may make light of something so dark.

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Ultimate Organic Vegan Mushroom Soup

May 17, 2013 by Rachel | Leave a comment
Button Mushrooms

Button Mushrooms

Sigh. I keep making tasty things and then scarfing them up before I’ve thought to take a picture. This is my lame explanation for the picture at right which is quite definitely *not* a soup.

But you have to forgive me, I’ve been out of the practice of food blogging, and I’m not a photo-taker by nature. But I am *back* to cooking a lot and by now my blog is my go-to cloud recipe book. I used to make something inventive that I loved and then forget how to make it six months later. Now I blog about it right away and my recipe is kept for good. Love it.

However, the recipe below is one for which I cannot take credit. Someone else made this and I loved it so much I had to share it. So simple. So delicious. So healthy, it can be done vegan and gluten free and it’s JUST as bowl-lickingly delicious as cream of mushroom soup.

Try to get as much ORGANIC as possible, of course! :)

  • Button mushrooms, sliced (or whatever kind you’d like)
  • Sweet onion (vidalia), sliced
  • 1/3 cup Earth Balance (olive oil, almond oil, coconut oil, peanut oil, butter, up to u)
  • 2 cups Veggie broth (or chicken or mushroom)
  • Parsley
  • Salt
  • Pepper

Sauté the onion and mushrooms in oil with salt and pepper until softened and the are onions are translucent. Then add the broth, seasoning, and chopped parsley to taste and just bring to a boil, then lower to low simmer and cook for an hour, stirring occasionally. At the end you can leave it rustic, but the one I had was blended and it was really rich-tasting as a result.

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You’re WELCOME – Raw Date Caramel

May 16, 2013 by Rachel | Leave a comment
Raw Date Caramel with apple wedges

Raw Date Caramel with apple wedges

It’s been a long time coming, but it’s worth it!

I promised that I would blog about this little discovery and so I SHALL. (God, I love using the word “shall”. It’s like the lost chord in the modern era.)

In honor of life’s many delights, I offer you this lovely raw “caramel” recipe. It’s healthier than the real thing (caramel) and for those of you who’d like to dip your toes into the “raw food” waters, it’s easy to make, easy to serve, and even easy to clean up. On top of that, it is GLUTEN FREE and VEGAN.

In my household, we often purchase dates as our “base” for sweets or desserts. Those of you who have studied glycemic index information know that dates are the sweetest (ie – most sugar) fruits in the world and many who have blood sugar regulation issues tend to avoid them.

I’m not going to give you advice in this regard. If you are avoiding sugar for health reasons, please consult your doctor, nutritionist, or naturopath before trying this recipe.

But if you’re NOT avoiding sugar per se, but are looking for some whole food based sources of TREATINESS, then you are in the right place.

  • 1/2 cup to 1 cup organic Medjool dates (remove pits and tear or chop a bit). You can get these in produce area of many stores and definitely at Whole Foods. They are expensive, but they last forever, and you can use them in lots of stuff (cereals, granola, sauces, rice dishes)
  • 1 cup organic coconut oil
  • Salt to taste
  • 1/2 teaspoon natural vanilla extract (or vanilla beans -  can do almond extract as well)

Combine in a food processor until smooth. We were able to make it in a pretty cheapo Target mini-food processor without much trouble so I think the dates will chop up ok in most food processors. (You can also add lemon juice to make it thinner…or rice or almond milk. Add a little at a time so you don’t do too much of any one thing.)

We ate our date caramel with raw apple wedges as shown in the image above. It was ah-MAH-zing.

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Oh, Brave New WORD, I Cannot Hold Thee Close Enough!

May 11, 2013 by Rachel | Leave a comment

Brave New WORDI started to write a post titled, “Things I Can’t Freaking Wait for” (Coming soon). And then I laughed because all I could see was that preposition sitting there (Dare I say “dangling?”), taunting me like a wagging finger. It brought to mind all kinds of feelings and *that* brought to mind a bunch of thoughts that have been swirling around my brain like marbles. (No, I haven’t lost them yet, thank you.) To that end, let me share my thoughts about the ways of the WORD…

My Odd Train of Thought

First, let me begin by saying, “Yes, I am aware that I ended that sentence (or phrase, really) with a preposition.” (Things I Can’t Freaking Wait For) Now, I will say this kindly because I understand that you are still in the Anger Stage of Grief.

Let it go. Seriously. I mean that. Just let it go.

Ok, whoa, there! Take a deep breath! *hands you paper bag* Breathe!

It’s ok. Really.

If instead of decrying the downfall of grammar, we accept that language has always and will always be evolving, then maybe you will catch your breath. Think about it. The amazing kaleidoscope of phraseology that is currently available to us is growing on an EXPONENTIAL scale. This is a time of rapid change.

OMG. Totes!

Language is changing as we become a more global people, and as technology changes the way we think, hear, and “see” words… <3 xoxo. Will all those little tidbits make it into the permanent lexicon? I don’t know.

Like, gag me with a spoon.

Yeah, remember that one? Proof that not all oldies are goodies. But the reality is that some things…SOME things that we are busy making up RIGHT NOW will make it into the semi-permanent lexicon of the GLOBAL language that is to be. (One of the “Things I Can’t Freaking Wait For” now that I think about it.)

One can only hope that “Brangelina” won’t be one of those lucky winners. (Honestly. I’m pretty sure they agree.)

New Words Get Born Every Day

Ok, this one does make me cringe a little.

Regardless, as I’ve become a writing fool these days I’ve found, to my surprise, that my mantle of “Grammar Obsessive” has been shed. For one thing, decent dialogue requires relaxing the rules. Conversational English hasn’t been as formal as written English since the quill pen. When you read your work out loud this becomes painfully obvious. But I digress.

I meant to share the marbles that have been circling my brain…

My point is that things are changing, and that can be scary. It makes us want to fold up our tent and hide. What will the future hold if honored traditions like punctuation and homonyms mean nothing to us any longer? Recently I saw a very educated person use the word “past” in a Facebook post when she meant, “passed.” My brain glitched habitually, and then, riding the modern wave of CHILLAX, I let it go. You know why? Because I knew what she meant.

Oh, God! Even I had a hard time with my brain on that one. It literally wrestled with itself like Rock ‘Em – Sock ‘Em Robots. (Google it youngin’s.) But the part of me that was leaning into the future like a dog into the highway breeze embraced the change. Because knowing what others mean is the ESSENCE of language isn’t it? All we want to do is communicate, and emote, and express! And sometimes, sadly, sometimes…grammar gets in the way, becoming the unintended obstacle to language innovation (Innervation? Ennervashun? Guttentag?).

Last week, I had a person tell me that the syntax in an educational document I’d penned was “atrocious.” But when she pointed out the offending sentence, it was a bit of dialogue written from the perspective of a young child in a classroom scenario. My head spun as she then regaled me at length about the many ways in which America was failing because we’d let our standards drop. At some point (maybe because I’ve done too much customer support), it dawned on me that her level of reaction was disproportionate to the offense.

Surely my online course was not the fulcrum in the downfall of American Society? Was it?

And then it occurred to me that language was one of the many things that people see as “changing” and that it scared the pants off some of them.

I’m here to say that I understand. I don’t entirely agree, as it turns out, but I understand. While I occasionally indulge in an eyeroll over the professed beauty of “the smell of printed books” by some of my fellow readers, I can appreciate the cruelty of entropy — the way it smudges out favorite bits of the past despite our desires to keep them. Unfortunately, it’s true that one person’s loss is another’s gain.

Take me, for example. Once a person who lost sleep on school nights when I couldn’t put a book down, I’d stopped reading a decade ago. My adult life made it difficult, and I’d run out of easy ways to figure out what I wanted to read at my bookstore or library. Everything I picked seemed to disappoint me. (Chronicled in my post about Amazon) But then ebooks showed up and I got a Kindle App on my phone, and I’ve been on fire ever since.

My gain. The “book-smell-lover’s” loss.

I feel the same way about grammar. I understand that some, nay, many, will be terribly distressed that it’s become so…stretched. It will feel like a loss. But I find myself on the “gain” side. I personally embrace this Brave New World of Language Boggle. Aren’t you excited to see what happens when we take all the world’s words and mix ‘em up? I get shivers just *thinking* about it. It makes writing seem more intimidating, in many ways. Will I be able to keep up with this etymologic roller coaster?

I don’t know, but I’m pretty excited to try…

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The Chicks Go Marching Two By Two – Women in Science and Science-Fiction

April 27, 2013 by Rachel | 3 Comments

Yay, Google! When you type “hard science” into Google images, this is the FIRST image!

So what predicated this second, odd foray into different topics than my typical book reviews and musing on food (btw, HAVE to blog about making raw caramel out of dates…AH-MAH-ZING). Sorry. Digression.

This morning I read an article bemoaning the dearth of female science-fiction authors. The article wasn’t clear on whether this was because women weren’t interested in writing or reading science-fiction, or if it was because the majority of editors are still male. (They made this assertion, not me.)

On top of this identified “problem”, the article used my least-favorite term — “hard” science-fiction — versus science-fiction/fantasy. They point out (obviously) that there are many famous and successful female writers of science-fiction/fantasy, but not “hard” science-fiction.

Excuse me while I go barf.

I have no idea why an article intended to promote women in science-fiction writing and reading went on to perpetuate this sexist stereotype about “hard” science, but I am freaking over it.

When I was in college (Now closer to 2 decades ago than 1 — yikes!), my major, Biology, was labelled as “soft” science as opposed to “hard” science like Physics. Well, screw you, sexist label, there is nothing “soft” about Biology and guess what? I did a LOT of statistics and calculus. I calculated derivatives and ran Chi-Squares and regressions. I calculated statistical significance and oh, by the way, I also had to use both chemistry and physics in my so-called “soft” science.

This is a sexist label that has long existed but that was further perpetuated when women entered the biological sciences in more numbers (initially) than physics and theoretical math.

What’s astonishing about this completely incorrect notion is not that it existed in Science (Which we all know was once held in a death grip by the male professors at its helm…the same type of people who, in medicine for example, felt that studying the female body and female health was pointless.  GENUISES.)… No, what’s astonishing is that this misnomer is carried over into FICTION.

We actually differentiate between “hard” science-fiction and science-fiction/fantasy?  WHY?  That makes absolutely no sense. For one thing, half of “hard” science IS fiction until its proven or disproven. Science is the study of MAGIC at the end of the day. That is what makes it fascinating and wonderful and ebullient. If you aren’t WOWED by the things we’ve learned and continue to learn through “hard” science, then you just don’t have a beating heart, IMHO.

So what is “hard” science-fiction? Well, some would consider Eden’s Root an example because I’ve attempted to explain the cause of the apocalypse using realistic science. However, anyone who knows science at an, ahem, “hard” level, also knows that I’ve taken some liberties. I built my bridge to my idea carefully, using real, solid bricks of fact…and then I took a LEAP into fiction. That’s what FICTION is. ALL SCIENCE-FICTION IS FICTION!

The article said that perhaps women don’t wish to read as much about the inner workings of a plasma engine (for example). Or that editors are prejudiced and assume as much.  WHAT NOW? What the heck does that mean? Are they really STILL saying that women are too uninterested in such “hard” details that we wouldn’t want to read them in fiction? (They pointed out that the fantasy in Game of Thrones — which no one would classify as Sci-Fi on any level, btw — is “easier” to watch because it has sword-fights and political intrigue.)

By now I am FUMING, of course. This article is intended to point out the problem and it falls RIGHT BACK INTO IT all by itself. Yes, I love Game of Thrones, but I also love actual science-fiction.

I’d argue that science-fiction/fantasy and straight fantasy are much more popular in general than what would normally be considered “hard” science-fiction because PEOPLE (not just women) like fantasy more than an educational lesson when they’re being entertained. That is a generalization, but one that I believe makes a lot of sense. Maybe NOBODY wants pages of details on your fictional plasma drive, dude…

It’s Time to Dispel the Myth

First of all, there are LOTS of women in sciences of all kinds now. When I was in college (way back when) there were not only more women enrolling into college, PERIOD, there were more women majoring in Biology and Chemistry and we were pulling up fast on men in Physics and Math. There are more women enrolled in the sciences in grad school than men. Sooooooooo, it turns out that we ARE good at “hard” sciences.  Hmph. Perhaps it’s time to drop the word, “hard”?

AND, on top of that, I know a LOT of women who like reading science-fiction…of all kinds. Science-fiction that does not include OUTRIGHT fantasy elements still dabbles in fantasy, let’s face it. If you’re writing about space travel or time travel or aliens, or anything else that we haven’t actually done in real life yet…it’s FANTASY, no matter how many scientific details you use to explain it!

Women DO like Science. Women ARE Scientists. Women READ science-fiction. Women WRITE science-fiction. And…there is no such thing as “hard” science-fiction, just as there is no such thing as “hard” science. It’s time to get over it.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t encourage women to go into science, math, and engineering (a big push in schools right now)…I’m saying we should encourage EVERYONE to go into science, math, and engineering. And if we want to do that, maybe we shouldn’t make *some* scientists feel like they are *less* than others.  Female scientists go to school just as long, study just as hard, and make amazing discoveries, just like their male counterparts.

In honor of that, this is playing in my head…

The Chicks Go Marching Two By Two – Hurrah! Hurrah!The Chicks Go Marching Two By Two – Hurrah! Hurrah!

The Chicks Go Marching Two By Two.
Please don’t let them frighten you.
And they all go marching down…to the labs…to discover great things…

Rachel E. Fisher – Former “hard” scientist – OUT.

 

 

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A Shout Out to the Curly-Haired Girl – Examining Cultural Bias from the Inside

April 23, 2013 by Rachel | 3 Comments

Ronald-Ann, fighting the good fight.

If you’ve read any of my Eden’s Root trilogy, then you know my main character, Fi, has curly red hair. When I began writing her, there was no doubt in my mind that she was a girl with a head full of curls. Recently one of my beta readers pointed out that I use gals with curly hair rather frequently. (She did allow for the fact that not all of my female characters were curly girls — Sara, for example, has straight hair.) She asked me why I was so hung up on curls. (Actually, I’m sure she said something much more lyrical than that.)

It started me thinking…

1.) Why do I use curls so much for my female characters?

2.) Why would someone notice that? It’s not like it’s weird for an entire book of characters to be assumed to have straight hair.

So begins the cultural discussion. You see, I’ve experienced the “curl” bias first-hand and I find it odd. Not that it’s odd when you consider the racial and ethnic underpinnings to this bias, but rather, that it still exists. In full force. Let me elucidate as I have been on both sides of this rather interesting divide.

As a child I had pin-straight hair. So much so that when my mother used to roll my hair in the little soft pink rollers for Easter and Christmas photos, those carefully constructed curls would fall right back out in about 10 minutes. (“Take the picture, fast!”) THAT is straight hair. I had such straight hair that when curls became popular in the 80s, I got a perm. It was TERRIBLE. (They are nothing like real curls unfortunately. Not to mention the stink.) I looked like Hall. Or Oates. Whichever one didn’t have the mustache.

Then something magical happened: hormones. In my teens my hair seemed to get frizzier and fuller, and eventually I noticed…it was freaking CURLY! (This happens to women sometimes. Their hair follicles — the quality that determines curl — change shape. It can happen during pregnancy and menopause as well. Quick Biology FYI for y’all.) I remember staring in the mirror at camp and fingering the amazing barrel corkscrews that had begun to descend from my brow in AWE. It was a dream come true, a prayer answered. My hair was full and curly and beautiful. I have no idea how I got so lucky.

Ever since, my hair has been my vanity. (Humbled by chemo, much?) But the interesting thing is that ever since, I’ve felt the “curl” bias. I’d never realized when African-American women (or others of ethnicities with kinkier hair) would complain that no one knew how to handle their hair (cutting, styling, etc) and that no one respected their natural hair, that they WERE TOTALLY 100% RIGHT.

WHAT??? We have a cultural bias in favor of straight, Caucasian hair? In America? Still?

YES!

1.) Hair Salons. I have NEVER been to a single hair salon (that wasn’t specifically for African-American women) that had magazines showing possible cuts for curly-haired girls. No lie. Try it sometime, ladies. Flip through those books of “cuts” and tell me how many curly ones you see. Usually no more than 3 curly styles out of hundreds and ALL of those are *fake* curls created with curling irons.

And I have NEVER, repeat, NEVER been to a hair salon where the stylist didn’t finger my gorgeous hair and offer to straighten it for me…as if it were not awesome the way it is. I’ve started telling stylists the moment I sit down that I love my curls, I don’t want them straightened ever, and that if they suggest it, I’m going to get back up and leave immediately. I get mouths dropping open on that one, let me tell you.

2.) Fashion/Style. I remember that I once looked at fashion magazines to see if I could find a curly haircut I might like. You know what I realized? There were NO natural curly cuts shown in fashion or style magazines either. Even African-American women’s hair was usually (except in high-couture), shaved into a fade or straightened.

By the way, just so the fashion gurus and stylists of the world know, FAKE curls don’t look like REAL curls. Not that curling-iron curls aren’t pretty, but they don’t look anything like real curls. Real curls are less regular. Some of mine actually reverse direction (the whorl) at random intervals.

3.) Celebrities. I’m going to start with Nicole Kidman because she was the one I noticed first. If you’ve ever seen Far and Away, she was supposed to play an Irish woman, so they let her wild curls fly free. And she looked amazing. That was the last time she ever let her hair look natural. And actually, her hair is brown so that wasn’t totally natural. Google her old movies in Australia and you’ll find a girl with brown, VERY CURLY, KINKY hair. Nicole Kidman? The queen of sleek? Really? Yup.

But Nicole is not nearly as obvious as another example: Jennifer Aniston. Jen is super-famous for her gorgeous, slick, straight hair, right? Well, she’s freaking GREEK people. Go Google old images of Jen before the nose and hair were “done.” She had thick, dark, CURLY hair. Guess that wasn’t as marketable, huh?

(By the way, the BLOND thing in Hollywood is also pretty annoying. Not that I blame them ALL for going blond because if you can pull it off, you get more jobs and make more money, but it’s tiring to watch the beautiful parade of young actresses all dissolve their uniqueness into the bleach cycle.)

4.) Makeover Shows. Almost all makeover shows intended to make a woman more beautiful and put-together will take a curly-haired woman and straighten her hair. NOTHING like saying, “The way you were born isn’t good enough.”

The Source of the Bias

In addition to Jen and Nicole and many, many others, there are millions of American women across the country who blow dry and flat iron and perm and go to the salon for blow-outs and who generally try to wrestle and subdue ANY sign of curl in their hair. It’s a WAR. And at what cost? To what end?

Confession time… I’ve been guilty of perpetuating it myself.

I have been in business for 10 years. I have never ONCE worn my beautiful, point-of-pride hair DOWN in a meeting. Why not? It’s too wild. Too unkempt. Too natural. Too…not SLICK. I pin it back into ponytails or buns. I SLICK the roots to make sure no wild frizz manages to wrangle it’s way free.

Why? Because I’m afraid that I won’t be taken seriously by colleagues. *record scratches* WHOA! HOLD UP THERE.

THAT is a pretty serious statement. But it’s true. I have an underlying sense that wearing my hair down wouldn’t be ok. Why is that? Because NO ONE else wears curly hair down. We’re all trying to cover it up and somehow, someway, we’ve managed to convince ourselves that straight hair is a sign of someone who is serious, thoughtful, and capable, and curly hair is not…

We have GOT to start getting this idea out of our consciousness. It’s not SURFACE culture for us, it’s DEEP culture and it’s rooted in racism. Period. Curly hair is more commonly found in non-caucasian ethnicities. Our bias against it still lingers from those days. I used to be a fan of Berkeley Breathed’s Bloom County cartoons. His character, Ronald-Ann (pictured above and named by an over-optimistic mother for Ronald Reagan), once has a moment (the characters are revealing deep-dark secrets) when she says, “I wish I had long, flowing hair like Christie Brinkely” and then claps her hand over her mouth.

If a male cartoonist was this keenly aware of this problem in the 1990s, then the rest of us certainly have got to become more aware of it by now, decades later. I know it’s changing. Many African-American women and men wear their hair “natural,” but the bias is still pretty persistent. And it has to be stopped. There is nothing inherently awesome about straight hair and nothing inherently bad about curly hair. It’s ludicrous really. It’s just hair.

When we see a woman (or person, probably) with naturally curly hair, we have to stop thinking, “wild, crazy, unfocused, not serious, not trustworthy, and not grown-up.”

I have made it a personal vow that I will wear my hair down in my next business meeting. Why? Because the only way to break a cultural bias is to flout it. AND, if there are any other young women in the meeting with me, I want them to see my example: a woman with curls who is serious, thoughtful, capable and quite frankly, as much of an executive as anyone with a sleek cascade of Pantene-Pro-V perfect hair.

So I’m giving a SHOUT OUT to the curly-haired girls of the world. I encourage you to join me in pushing back on the “rules” that say that straight hair is better. The only way to prove it wrong is to go out there and show people.

Be free. Be happy. Be curly…

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Shatter Me – Taherah Mafi

April 18, 2013 by Rachel | 1 Comment

Shatter Me - Tahereh MafiTitle: Shatter Me
Author: Tahereh Mafi
Rating: 3.5

Amazon Summary – “You can’t touch me,” I whisper. I’m lying, is what I don’t tell him. He can touch me, is what I’ll never tell him. But things happen when people touch me. Strange things. Bad things.

No one knows why Juliette’s touch is fatal, but The Reestablishment has plans for her. Plans to use her as a weapon. But Juliette has plans of her own.

After a lifetime without freedom, she’s finally discovering a strength to fight back for the very first time—and to find a future with the one boy she thought she’d lost forever.

My Review

Given that lots of folks have now signed up for my reviews, I feel obligated to actually finish one. :) I’ve been a wee bit busy publishing Emergence, the last in the Eden’s Root trilogy, but I DID have a review waiting in the wings…

I recently read Shatter Me and have been waiting for a chance to gather my thoughts for a review. It’s been more challenging than I expected. As you know, I’m a huge fan of ya dystopians and apocalyptics, and in that way, Shatter Me is smack in my wheelhouse. But when I sit down to write my review, I find myself perplexed. I’m not certain how to express my feelings and perhaps that’s because I can’t quite put my finger on them.

Lately I’ve been feeling like the whole STAR rating thing has to go because it’s too hard to give just one NUMBER to a novel. Nothing illustrates that better for me than Shatter Me. I need stars for various categories: writing, originality, pace, tension, characterizations, sex appeal, etc. If I got to do that, I think I’d say:

Writing – 4.5 – 5.0
Originality – 4.5 – 5.0 (the whole not being able to touch people thing is very compelling…human touch is so very important)
Pace – 2.0 – 3.0
Tension – 3.0 – 4.0
Characterizations – 2.5 – 4.0
Sex Appeal – 3.5

*sigh*

Sadly, individual stars are the way of things, I guess. I’ve ended up slipping this book into the 3.5 bucket overall, but that is just my opinion or rating of this book for ME. I’m not sure it is a fair rating for everyone. Not that Ms. Mafi needs my help. Plenty of others have already gushed and squee-ed over this series, so I’m certain my personal take will be just that: personal.

As a result of my shifting perspectives on Shatter Me, I have been reduced to lists of pros and cons to find my true feelings. Forgive my split personality disorder-esque ramblings. (No, not schizophrenic. People use this term all the time when they actually mean split-personality. Schizophrenia involves hallucinations like hearing voices or seeing people, as well as possible paranoia. Very different from split-personality disorder.)

Pro
I found Ms. Mafi’s writing style to be unique, adept, and often quite lyrical. I was intrigued by her use of the strike through to signify Juliette’s internal censor, the things she didn’t even want to admit to herself. It’s a clever and effective vehicle. You’ll note she even uses it on her cover. (I also think the concept of writing from the perspective of a young woman locked away in solitary for nearly a year was excellent and challenging.)

Con
Sometimes the vehicle seemed repetitive. And sometimes the lyrical language strayed into rhythmic or repetitive prose that was intended to add beauty or feeling…but it often just jarred my flow.

Pro
I’m not usually a cover fanatic, but I love the one above (liked it better than the one of Juliette in the dress). It is beautiful and subtle and intriguing.

Con
I “get” more of the world from this picture than the story.

Pro
I’ve been waiting to get to this one for a while and I read it in one sitting. It was a fast and fun read, always a major plus.

Con
The plot pacing seemed to jump around. Chapters go by (especially in the beginning) where nothing really seems to happen and then big changes all come at once. At times I thought I might put it down, but then I didn’t…it kept me going… (“How is this a ‘con’ then?” I hear you cry. Good point. It’s a semi-con because I did think about putting it down on several occasions. That didn’t even occur to me with some others I’ve read.)

Pro
Juliette is a kick butt heroine-to-be. You know how I love me a tough-a** lady. ;)

Con
She’s apparently stunning and is told so repeatedly by the men around her, but after three years in an asylum and with a mirror in her bathroom available, she didn’t look at herself ONCE until just before the end? Even just to see how much she’d changed from 14 to 17 years old? That seemed off. Stretched my believability meter. Like we’re supposed to see her as weak and discovering her strength. But in my mind her whole issue was being too strong so why not make her fiercer?

Pro
At the end, it seems that Juliette is transforming into the strong heroine I craved the entire story. Instead of all the, “woe is me, I’m a freak and a murderer,” she starts to be more, “I could make a difference.” In a skintight purple suit no less. (Again, she’s apparently a bombshell who doesn’t know it. Sometimes that bugs me a bit in ya or any genre, actually. – Don’t worry…I won’t use the “B” word here. :P )

Con

The dystopian world. I don’t get major pieces of it, but most especially Juliette’s mysterious power. If toxins or radiation changed her, then a) why doesn’t she know this? b) why aren’t others affected, and since we eventually learned that there are others affected, c) how come Juliette didn’t know that?

Was she the only mutant when her powers first cropped up? If so, how come she wasn’t globally famous as a lone freak? I dunno, there were just questions about the world around her and how it came to be.

For those of you who’ve read many of my reviews, you KNOW this is my most frequent howl (bugaboo, frustration, obsession…choose your own term) It derives from my love of science-fiction. (DON’T use the word “hard” science-fiction with me, please…see my last post on this topic.) I don’t care if the explanation someone gives for things (ummm, for example, the near end-of-the-world) is mostly fantastical, as long as there IS one.

In Shatter Me, Mafi gives us nearly zero in the way of explanation for the post-apocalyptic backdrop. Why aren’t there birds anymore? Did they all die or just mutate? What about plants? Are they all gone? How do people survive? Is this all over the world or just certain areas? She starts to give you crumbs at the end, so I think perhaps she’ll tell us more in the next books, but for now, I am left with too little information to really PICTURE Juliette’s world and life.

ProAdam is properly dreamy, hunky, and devoted. And if you believe him, then he’s also a rare sensitive, kind, loving person in a horrific world.

Con
I feel attached to Juliette but not as much to Adam. I kept thinking, “This guy is a liar or something. He can’t just be the awesomest, hottest guy ever who’s been in love with her for her whole life only she didn’t know it. Can he?” I never trusted him. AND the “insta-love” thing was tough for me too. These two were in school together for years, formed an unspoken attachment despite not really interacting, and then only three years later, they don’t really remember each other? Or they do? It was a bit confusing. I like to see relationships build.

Also, I started to get annoyed with the whole “sex interrupted” thing that was going on. The make-out scenes were pretty steamy (pro), but they were always cut short (con), and were sometimes a little too poetic for me…drinking each other in and such. I’m not a romance reader generally so that feel isn’t for me. MANY readers LOVE that kind of thing, but I like a little more I don’t know…kind of realism or detail in love scenes. I want less drinking each other in and more of where the lips or hands or teeth are at any given moment. But that’s just me.

The thing that did kind of kill me in the end was the way Juliette was basically begging Adam to ahem, take it all the way, and then they just never got to do that. She keeps being like, “I’m not telling you to stop,” but then you don’t get the sex scene. Teasing I guess, but I ended up being kind of “over” it by time number three or so on this, so I have no idea how Adam is taking it (ha). Maybe we get the consummation in the next book. I DO applaud her for not making Juliette a prude. AND I do understand that there is a specific perspective here: Juliette CAN’T touch people, so Adam’s touch is incredibly overwhelming. THAT is very cool. (Crap, my CON has wandered into PRO territory again. Darnit.)

ProThe villain is interesting. Warner is not just a twisted psycho, there are some layers — some kind of past damage. She hints at something with Warner’s mother, but doesn’t tell you a single thing in this book about what that secret may be. Also, like Adam, he seems to be immune to Juliette’s powers. Another secret to be revealed in coming attractions, it seems. Either way, I appreciate a villain with a little flesh to him/her, rather than a flat evil portrayal.

Con
The villain can survive ridiculous injury somehow. This is very “Terminator” to me. Warner was shot at point-blank range (in addition to other things), and he lives through it just fine. It does make him scarier in a lot of ways, but it’s very fantastical. Then again, this story morphs from one that seems a pure dystopian at first into more of a superhero tale as you reach the end.

You can see why I’ve been tearing my hair out writing the review.

I think I’ve figured it out…
it was a very pretty and fast read. But it had too much pretty and not enough backstory/character connection for me. So in a way, something always felt like it was missing. BUT it had a ton of foreshadowing landmines built in that may be waiting to go off in the next book. Like Warner’s mother. And is Adam really trustworthy? Or Kenji? Or the resistors in general? And what does the world really look like and how does it function if Juliette has been misinformed or our of the loop all this time?

Summary
I want to be clear that a 3.5 IS a recommendation. There are just some aspects that feel unfinished…for me. These questions interest me enough that I will definitely continue with the series. Perhaps some of my cons will come off the table as the story comes to full incarnation.

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Simple Tinkering – Spicy Cole Slaw for Fish or Veggie Tacos

April 18, 2013 by Rachel | 1 Comment

Soooooooo. I haven’t posted as much about food lately, as I admitted last week. But I HAVE been getting back into healthy eating and experimental cooking once more. Sometimes in our tinkering, we stumble onto an idea that is delicious that we might never have considered otherwise.

Today I submit to you – a delicious alternative, spicy cole slaw.

Normally, when I get ready to make cole slaw, I Google Ina Garten’s (the Barefoot Contessa) recipe. Why? Because it is THE best cole slaw recipe in the world, hands-down, and many, many chefs agree. It’s also very traditional.

Now, I consider myself something of an authority on good cole slaw because my grandmother served it at Thanksgiving every year. I’m not sure how many households served cole slaw with the traditional Thanksgiving fare, but ours did. And my grandmother was *not* one of those jolly round ladies in a flour-covered apron who baked just for the fun of it. In fact, when I stayed overnight, it was often my grandfather that cooked the eggs in the morning. (Barely done sunny-side-ups with tons of pepper. Ah, the old school days.) What am I trying to say? My grandmother wasn’t an amazing cook. BUT. She had Thanksgiving down, and the cole slaw in particular. It made me a cole slaw snob at a young age.

So how could cole slaw be improved upon? Well, it can’t. Not if you want true, traditional cole slaw. But if you want it with a twist, I have a tasty suggestion for you.

Two nights ago, I was deep into my slaw preparation when I realized our giant bunch of organic arugula was about to go bad if it wasn’t used. For WHATEVER reason, my mind flew right to the slaw and after washing my arugula, I mixed it right in there. I could just imagine the BITE of that peppery, spicy arugula in the cool slaw.

Of course, it already wasn’t 100% cool slaw. Because I used HABANERO mustard instead of the dijon called for in the recipe. Why? Because this cole slaw was going to be used to top blackened fish and rice. (We didn’t have corn tortillas for tacos so we went rice.)

So…basic cole slaw – delicious, perfectly prepared cole slaw. BUT with habenero mustard (and vegan mayo, btw), and arugula.

It was cool and spicy and sweet all at once with a variety of color and texture. In other words, it was absolutely delicious!!!

What did I learn from this? Never underestimate the power of one more green veggie to add great flavor, health, and va-voom to your cooking!

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My Imaginary Cast – The Eden’s Root Trilogy

April 8, 2013 by Rachel | Leave a comment

In honor of the release of EMERGENCE on April 30th, I have decided to finally offer my vision of my characters.  These are the best approximations of my characters as I see them.

I’m hoping that you will SUBMIT YOUR OWN visions.  Please comment, post, tweet, or FB your own Fi, Asher, Sean, and Sara!

My Fi – Kay Panabaker

Ok, here’s the story.  The original picture I selected of Kay shows her a little older and a lot sexier.  But that image wouldn’t stabilize in the blog, don’t know if it’s rights protected or something.  Anyhoo, have republished with this one and it occurs to me that this actress could play Fi across her age range from just 14 to 18 year old mom-to-be.

She’s perfect. Her look, her coloring, her size (5′ 0″). She’s actually smaller than Fi! And she’s got that great little toughness in her eyes. You could see “girl warrior” there.  Obviously Ellen Page and Emma Watson also came to mind…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Asher – Alex Pettyfer

Just like with my picture of Kay (above), my original Alex photo kept dropping from the post so I have replaced it.

You can hate me for this pick if you’re not a Pettyfer fan, but this is 100% Asher Grey as far as I’m concerned.  Don’t tell me he wouldn’t look great with a sword.  I know he’s a tad older, but then, so is Asher.  And all movie teenagers are played by twenty-somethings anyway…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Sean - Carter Jenkins

My Sean – Carter Jenkins

My Sean – Carter Jenkins

It took me a while to really decide.  I’d thought about Asher Book (Ironic, I know) and Logan Lerman as well.  But I kept coming back to Carter Jenkins.  This is how I picture Sean.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Sara - Lauren Klemp

My Sara – Lauren Klemp

 

My Sara – Lauren Klemp

Why did I pick this little-known girl as my Sara?  She just fits the picture for me.  This is Sara.  Dark, long hair, very dark eyes, pretty, but capable of being dangerous.  I thought about Victoria Justice as well…

 

 

 

 

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Light (#6 Gone Series) – Michael Grant

April 4, 2013 by Rachel | Leave a comment
Light - Michael Grant (Gone Series)

Light – Michael Grant (Gone Series)

Title: Light (Final book in the Gone Series)
Author: Michael Grant
Rating: 5 Stars

Amazon Summary – It’s been over a year since all the adults disappeared. Gone.

In the time since every person over the age of fourteen disappeared from the town of Perdido Beach, California, countless battles have been fought: battles against hunger and lies and plague, and epic battles of good against evil. And now, the gaiaphage has been reborn as Diana’s malicious mutant daughter, Gaia. Gaia is endlessly hungry for destruction. She yearns to conquer her Nemesis, Little Pete, and then bend the entire world to her warped will. As long-standing enemies become allies, secrets are revealed and unexpected sacrifices are made. Will their attempts to save themselves and one another matter in the end, or will the kids of Perdido Beach perish in this final power struggle?

Light, the sixth and final book in the New York Times bestselling Gone series by Michael Grant, creates a masterful, arresting conclusion to life in the FAYZ.

My Review – No MAJOR Spoilers.  Some minor ones…

Ok, so I JUST finished this story and I am tempted to just babble, “I loved it” repeatedly like a lunatic.  But the truth is, I LOVED it.  Perfect, perfect, perfect ending.

I absolutely absorbed this book, and I knew I would.  I’ve been on this ride with Mr. Grant for a while now and I have a lot invested in this story.  Having *just* set the release date for the end of my own trilogy, I have a new and sustaining respect for anyone who attempts to bring an epic story to a satisfactory close.

And the GONE series is EPIC.  I love it.  Ironically, the “world” is a small space, but it’s an entirely different universe, no different from Middle Earth in its need for world-building.  I love the “truth” of being teenagers forced to face adult issues.  I love the “truth” of duality: good and evil, bravery and cowardice, life and death.

In the end (though I tend to say this too often about this series) Grant is BRAVE.  You know why I think so?  Let me break it into categories for you.  (And you thought I was going to be brief.  HA!)

Social Issues:

Grant is brave because he’s willing to muck about in religious waters that often scare authors, particularly ya authors.  He has characters that had faith that lose it and others that gain it.  He has characters that have no idea what they believe, but who feel the pull of ritual, the desire the make sense of it all.  But none of it is a simple, trite, easy answer.

Grant is brave because he’s not afraid to write about 15 year olds having sex with *gasp, heaven-forbid* a few details thrown in, KNOWING that this is authentic to his story and that the characters are essentially ADULTS given their situation.  Still, people are terrified of this in ya.  (Bravo for showing a loving, mutual relationship in Sam and Astrid, as well.)

Grant is brave because he deals in all those real-life issues of race and prejudice.  Like Albert.  He’s the “businessman” but he’s African-American, and characters are wary of him in this role at first (until they realize they’re hungry).  And Edilio, often referenced as the “wetback” by the nastier or more ignorant characters.  The way that Grant addresses those issues and turns them on their ear without sounding preachy is excellent and gives a lot of DEPTH to a story for and about teens that one would not associate with “superhero” kind of stuff.  (ie – Most adults who don’t appreciate graphic novels and comics don’t realize these media can include serious discussion topics)

Writing:

Grant is brave because he wasn’t afraid to write it his way, with a kabillion shifting POVs, sometimes that last for only a few sentences at a time!  No fear of HEAD-HOPPING here.

Grant is brave because he wrote a sprawling epic that has WAY too many words to be MARKETABLE, right?

Grant is brave because he’s not afraid to take on a modern-day “Lord of the Flies” in a time when we’ve become increasingly uncomfortable with precocious youth.

BACK TO “LIGHT” IN PARTICULAR

This may be one of my favorite endings to an epic tale ever.  It had exactly the right amount of tragic loss, gut-wrenching, heart-stopping loss, AND heroism, and triumph, and sacrifice and REDEMPTION.  In the end, that is what this story is about, I think: redemption.

I never expected anything that Caine ever said to anyone, especially Diana, to make me cry.  But it did.  And it was perfect.

And I never expected a kiss between Astrid and Sam to feel like the last gasp of a marathon when you feel the tape snap across your chest, but it did.  I practically pumped my fist in the air!  (Ok, I did pump my fist in the air.)

And I never expected to be so moved, so entertained, and so enthralled by such an odd, personal, and utterly genre-breaking story as the Gone Series.  But I was.

Go out.  Buy it.  Read it.  May I be so fortunate as to write something that makes people say the same.

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